hotel room ftw
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
