the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
