my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
