I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize