I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
