So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
