I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i believe in u and ur pee
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
