her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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