is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize