she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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