My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
