I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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