yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
