you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
