Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
