i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
