Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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