I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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