If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
