Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
