im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
