Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
