So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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