my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize