Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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