I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
