the condom got lost in my hair
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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