I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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