I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
