Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
