you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
