Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
