I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
