Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
