Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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