I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
