this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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