I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
