No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize