Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
