he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Randomize
