3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
