I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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