he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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