Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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