my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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