Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
