I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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