you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
