Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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