sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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