the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
