I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He kissed a someone with a penis
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Randomize