the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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