I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I can't turn off my feet"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
