she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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