I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So squirting runs in the family.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
