Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
