A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
