how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I have surprise drugs for everyone
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
