My sheets look like a crime scene.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
