I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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