I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
