we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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