Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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